Loading...

Thursday, March 3, 2011

No... Thank YOU, Charlie Sheen, you lion-blooded Warlock, you

Everyone always says to not fall down the Rabbit Hole. But, man, does Charlie Sheen make it look like a bucket of AWESOME. Below are a few choice quotes that I intend to meld into my daily ramblings as often as possible.
  • "I’m not bi-polar, I’m bi-winning. I win here and I win there."
  • "The last time I used? What do you mean? I used my toaster this morning."
  • "I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen."
  • "Most of the time — and this includes naps —I’m an F-18."
  • "I closed my eyes and in a nanosecond I cured myself."
Remember when he really started losing it this time? (this time... man, it would be awesome to be a celebrity) When he beat up Brooke Mueller in Aspen? Well, I was home, visiting my mom in my tiny little town just outside Aspen when that happened. And just like when Michael Jackson died... no one there gave a shit about it.

True story:
Me to my older rancher friend with a fu manchu mustache: Did you hear?! Michael Jackson died!
Fu manchu: I should give a fuck? And that affects me, how?

(not related... but, because I didn't know how to spell "fu manchu," I had to look it up. And I'll be DAMNED if Wikipedia told me that he didn't have a fu manchu mustache at all... he had a horseshoe (or "biker") mustache. All this time, I've been living a lie.)

Horseshoe (or "Biker")

Fu Manchu


Also, Charlie Sheen needs his own network. Not JUST a show... a damn network. I think he should go use his Warlock powers to take Oprah and her ass-network out and turn it into the CSN, Charlie Sheen Network. You'd watch it, you know you would. It's like the real version of the Truman Show. Fuck. Yes. Win.

Also, in the battle of Lion Blood and Unicorn Blood, who would win?

4 comments:

  1. I am obsessed with all the Charlie Sheen craziness.You must look at this: http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1814021

    ReplyDelete
  2. Now see, if the rest of the world followed the mind set of your rancher friend we wouldn't even know that Charlie Sheen dropped his happy meal.

    And why wasn't he arrested for the rant on the roof yeilding a machete? If I was on the roof of my office building after being fired, yeilding a machete, you can bet there would of been an arrest made. And it wouldn't of even made the Ten O'clock news.

    ReplyDelete
  3. In the battle between Lion Blood and Unicorn Blood, the winner is the Skekses from that creepy-ass Dark Crystal movie. Because Charlie Sheen said so, that's why.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Charlie Sheen has lost his mind!!!

    In a battle between lion blood and unicorn blood, the unicorn blood definitely wins. I mean...it's a unicorn.

    And thanks for explaining the difference between the biker and fu manchu stache. I had no idea!

    ReplyDelete