- "I’m not bi-polar, I’m bi-winning. I win here and I win there."
- "The last time I used? What do you mean? I used my toaster this morning."
- "I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen."
- "Most of the time — and this includes naps —I’m an F-18."
- "I closed my eyes and in a nanosecond I cured myself."
Me to my older rancher friend with a fu manchu mustache: Did you hear?! Michael Jackson died!
Fu manchu: I should give a fuck? And that affects me, how?
(not related... but, because I didn't know how to spell "fu manchu," I had to look it up. And I'll be DAMNED if Wikipedia told me that he didn't have a fu manchu mustache at all... he had a horseshoe (or "biker") mustache. All this time, I've been living a lie.)
Horseshoe (or "Biker")
Also, Charlie Sheen needs his own network. Not JUST a show... a damn network. I think he should go use his Warlock powers to take Oprah and her ass-network out and turn it into the CSN, Charlie Sheen Network. You'd watch it, you know you would. It's like the real version of the Truman Show. Fuck. Yes. Win.
Also, in the battle of Lion Blood and Unicorn Blood, who would win?