Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Hello, World

Initially, I thought the idea of setting up a blog would be a great way to voice some of the complaints I have about my life and the people in it, in an effort to vent and help get myself through some tough times, then I thought to myself "Self, get over yourself! Who in the hell wants to read about someone else's issues?!"

Therefore, intertwined in my day-to-day trials and tribulations, are some really funny things, some random things, some frustrating things, some inappropriate things and some total life altering things. I will touch on all of these things here, on this blog.

Read if you want to, don't read if don't want to (and if that's the case, why the hell are you even reading this far?!), but I'm here. I'm here for me, for you, for your dog and for your mom... or something like that.

So, the first piece of business I have to tackle is none other than cheese. You heard me... cheese.

I have an unnatural obsession with cheese. Blue cheese, soft cheeses, hard cheese, processed cheeses, you name it, I like it. I love cheese so much, it's the 'site key' for my bank account (please don't steal my identity), I tried to put string cheese on a personal pizza the other night (after quite a few hours at the bars, but that's another topic). Note to self: string cheese does NOT melt in the oven, no matter how high the heat. Who needs to put MORE CHEESE on an already cheese-filled pizza? I do. The string cheese didn't work, so I found some monterey jack to shred and put on top. And it was wonderful. But I digress...

I can't recall the last meal I had that didn't include cheese in some form. I'm not sure if that's because I simply choose not to remember those meals, or if they just don't exist. The thing that really upsets me is how horrible cheese is for you. I try to diet, I try to cut down on cheese, and it just doesn't work. So I start making deals with myself... "If you give up potato chips, you can still have cheese" ... french fries for cheese, soda for cheese, my left pinky toe for cheese. And I wonder why the weight stays put.

My theory: God loves me so much that he's guiding me toward cheese so I die early and get to chill with the Big Man (or the Big Cheese, as I call him) even sooner. Yeah... I'll go with that.

Besides, I'll bet I can have all the damn cheese I want in heaven.

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