Friday, June 11, 2010

Wait, Our Boyfriends Grew Vaginas?

There are two types of girls: those who can maintain a healthy relationship without alienating everyone around her and appearing codependent and needy, and those who can't. And, just like high-maintenance girls, the worst kind of girl is the girl who doesn't think she's the codependent/alienating type, but actually IS.

Case in point: I have a friend, who we will call Tabby, who has been dating this guy for 5+ months. A new relationship, yes. They are allowed to still be excited about seeing each other and get butterflies in their stomachs when they accidentally brush hands, or one puts their arm around the other in public. However, neither of these two have jobs. That's right... they wake up mid-morning, in the same bed, wander out to the same couch, watch the same TV show, eat the same lunch, dinner and snack. They go to bed in the same bed and do it all over again the next day. So my theory is; given the amount of time they spend together, they may as well have been dating for at least 2 years.

With that in mind... here's our most recent conversation:

  • Tabby: I was thinking about coordinating a girls night tomorrow night, what do you think?
  • Me: That sounds great! 
  • Tabby: Cocktails then Sex and the City then more cocktails?
  • Me: That's perfect! I was considering going to see Sex and the City by myself tomorrow night anyway! (don't judge me) 
  • Tabby: Morning friend! We still on for tonight?
  • Me: Abso-fucking-lutely!
  • Tabby: I was thinking... maybe we could meet up with the boys after the movie
  • Me: Did our boyfriends grow vaginas?

I mean, how is it, over the course of 12 hours she realized that she would be spending more than four hours away from her man, and at what point IS THAT A BAD THING?!

At least I can still look in the mirror and see perfection.

(Okay, now even I can't even keep a straight face at that)


  1. You can tell those two haven't been together long, on account of him wanting to be anywhere near here right after seeing SATC2. My husband told me to "go shopping or something" for at least 2 hours after I saw it so that I wouldn't bring home "all that damn estrogen and designer shoe bullshit".

    I'm a lucky girl, right?

  2. I think your relationship is a totally healthy one! I mean, any man who WANTS to see their girl after they saw SATC2 needs to check his whipped level, or his sexuality. I'm just sayin'...

  3. Oh honey, are you spying on my life and most of my girlfriends?! Seriously this is the story of my life: single girl and the woman who can't exist without men around them. It's like, without a man, they're not whole. WTF?!